Assholeperger's Syndrome

Although I don’t take everything that is said to me as literally as Amelia Bedelia does, I do take words at face value and don’t do well at all when it comes to “reading between the lines” in my interactions with other people.  Sometimes this deficit results in a good-natured laugh but more often than not I think it makes me look like an ass.  Here’s an example of how this deficit almost got me fired:

One time I did a small plumbing job in the local hospital that required me to put a pipe through the ceiling above a patient conference room in the oncology department. As was the custom our city building inspector came by at his own convenience to inspect my work.  I had been instructed to work with the head nurse to coordinate our access to that room so I went straight to her and asked if I could set up my ladder to allow the inspector take a look at what I had done.  She said: “You can do your inspection anytime but there is a doctor talking to a family in that room right now.”  So I picked up my ladder, motioned for the inspector to follow me, walked up to the room and knocked on the door.  As I began to explain to the surprised doctor why we were there, the head nurse ran down the hall to apologize for our intrusion.  As soon as the doctor escorted the family to another room the nurse began to scream at me in a very quiet hospital voice saying, “What the hell were you thinking?  I just got through telling you that there was a doctor in this room trying to explain to a family about their loved ones’ cancer diagnosis!  How dare you interrupt them!"  I tried not to look at her but she moved to the right and then to the left to keep her face directly in front of mine as she continued: "This is going to cost you your job!  You will never work in this hospital again!  Get your inspection done then get out of here and NEVER COME BACK!”

I was confused and shaken by this encounter.  I don't handle conflict very well anyway but to find myself being confronted by a very pissed off woman when I could not understand what I had done was quite disturbing.  She had literally said: "You can do your inspection anytime but there is a doctor talking to a family in that room right now."  Where did I go wrong?  "Right now" is "anytime" is it not?  That incident was almost 20 years ago and I never deciphered the meaning behind her words until I learned the concepts of "too literal" thinking and something called "the unspoken part of a conversation."  Experts say that 80% of all communication is actually achieved through unspoken means such as context, body language, intonation of voice and the like.  People with Asperger's Syndrome tend to miss that part.  It may seem ridiculous for me to explain any further but for the benefit of other Aspies I will.  The message that the nurse had intended to convey was: "You can do your inspection anytime except right now because this is the oncology department which means we treat cancer patients and that means that the doctor in that room is talking to a family about someone they love who is very, very sick and may even be dying so just wait a few minutes until they leave and then you can go in there."  I didn't get all that.  I realize now why she treated me with such contempt.  I had an Amelia Bedelia moment and it wasn't funny at all.  I'm sure I came across as a real ass.  This is what I now jokingly call "Assholeperger's Syndrome" but I don't really expect a laugh.  It's only funny in the rarest of situations, like when you ask me to dress a chicken for dinner.