Empathy?

I have read about the apparent lack of empathy that is observed by those who interact with Aspies.  I say "apparent" because when I think about this issue, I believe I have the opposite problem.  I can be empathetic to the point that it is painful for me.  When I see a kid that is upset because his mother won't let him have a toy from the department store, I have a strong urge to just buy the toy for him myself, not only to bring peace to the checkout line, but just to see that kid smile.  If I see a homeless person digging in a dumpster like they are scavenging for food, I will buy them something to eat.  If anyone mentions that they have a problem, I feel compelled to come up with a solution whether they really want me involved or not. 

One time a hitch-hiker I had picked up told me that he was leaving Florida to go home to Ohio because he had been robbed of everything he owned except for the shorts he was wearing.  I literally gave him the shirt off of my back because I knew how cold he would get by the time he got that far north during October.  Then I bought him a sandwich, gave him ten dollars for the road and drove him fifty miles out of my way so that I could drop him off at a point where I felt he would have a better chance to get a ride all the way home.  Even then I felt terribly guilty about having to put him out of my car as it was getting dark, and return to my apartment.  He was so overwhelmed by my concern for his situation that he asked for my address so that he could pay me back when he got on his feet again.  Not wanting him to make a promise that I didn't expect him to actually keep, I told him to just do something comparable for someone else in the future.  Five years later he finished the book that was to become the hit movie "Pay it Forward."  (Okay, okay... I just made up that last part to see if I had your attention)

I think that in my case, the lack of empathy that people think they perceive is actually due to my restricted ability to read what is really going on with the people around me.  I recognize that I have a huge problem with what is called "theory of mind" and the related deficits of an inability to read body language and a limited ability to "read between the lines" when people are trying to communicate something without actually coming out and saying it.  If someone is suffering in silence I probably won't even notice that something is wrong.  Even if they say something like, "My sister is having surgery today to find out why she is having so many headaches" I can proceed to spend thirty minutes telling them about a fascinating article that I read on Latin American politics and not notice that they aren't listening.  Their thoughts are far away and my insight into what kind of man has been running Guatemala is not making them feel any better.  To get me to shut the hell up they would have to say something more literal like, "Guy! I am worried that my sister is dying!"  Most people don't do that though.  I think that most men especially don't feel comfortable confiding in someone about such personal feelings so they are likely to just walk away and never want to have a conversation with me again.  Anyone else within hearing distance of this kind of incident is likely form a negative opinion of me without ever actually talking to me themselves.  I realize that I can be a real jerk sometimes but I would like to think of myself as a kind, caring, considerate, compassionate, and empathetic jerk.